Promptly Challenged
by Red Furry Demon
Summary: A number of very, VERY short drabbles based on various prompts and challenges. Covers the whole timeline except of the NextGen. Hardly canon; can be considered a more extreme version of Hogwarts Tales. Co-written with my Beta Reader.


**Disclaimer:** All recognizable characters belong to JKR.

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**AN: Red Furry Demon and her little pet barley - er, I mean, faithful Beta Reader Yentshmyen, are proud to present the most cracked piece of fiction in a century.**

_**Hi, I'm Yentshmyen. RFD calls me her Beta Reader, but it just means she **sometimes** lets me read **some** of the craziness she wrote. Stupid RFD.**_

**Don't think you'll get away with that.**

_**Anyway, **Promptly Challenged** is a collection of (who would have thought?) prompts and challenges, each written in a few minutes during boring classes, RFD was adamant on uploading them, though, so I **graciously** let her. And... well, here goes nothing. Blame RFD!**_

**So you've met the Barley monster...**

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**Author:** Yentshmyen

**Challenge:** Minerva is dating a certain person. When Albus discovers it, he runs mad.

**Timeline:** Minerva's school years

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"Minerva, do you know why you are here?"

Silence.

"I know that I expressed interest in my students' lives, and I congratulate you on getting together with Mr. Johnson, but did you really have to do that on _my_ desk?"

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**Author:** RFD

**Challenge:** Petunia bashes Voldemort's head in for destroying her lawn.

**Timeline:** post-OotP

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The _freak _left without a word - not that they were worried very much. Not until He came.

It was a beautiful day: sun shining, birds singing, Lord Voldemort blasting the door of their house off its hinges...

And while Dudley was playing the newest part of _Witcher_ on his computer, and Vernon was having a conversation with the Dark Lord, happily sharing all the information about the _freak_, Aunt Petunia glanced at her precious lawn.

No. That was impossible.

And evil grin spread across her face as she grabbed the closest frying pan.

No one had ever used Fiendfyre on her plants and lived to tell the tale.

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**Author:** Yentshmyen

**Prompts****:** monster, Dark, practice, little, pink, kitten, entrails

**Timeline:** HBP

**Characters:** Harry, Luna

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"Just because someone is Dark, it doesn't make them a monster, who in his free time practices gutting little kittens and making necklaces out of their tiny pink entrails!"

"Could have fooled me-"

"-most prefer gouging kittens' eyes out."

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**Here's another version:**

**Timeline:** OotP

**Characters:** Harry, Hermione

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"Just because someone is Dark, it doesn't mean they can't wear pink, like little kittens-"

"OK, OK, I get it. Don't underestimate her or she'll turn into a monster and feed on my entrails. Next thing you'll say is that she's actually a competent teacher for making us practice not throwing up when faced with something horrendous."

"...You mean her cardigan or her face?"

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**Author:** RFD

**Prompts****:** control freak, baseball, Voldemort

**Timeline:** HBP

***part of the Easter Bunny universe***

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Harry Potter slammed the heavy door behind himself. Dolores cursed silently; he was worse than Voldemort with his crazy reflexes and the Curse of Patronus. Had she studied DADA instead of playing baseball with her Muggle brothers, she might have had a chance. Why was the life always so mean to her? Why did her opponent used magic impossible to counter? Why the hell was she at the mercy of some insane control freak?

The Queen of Pink heard a soft _meow_ next to her - and the woman's shriek of horror echoed the dungeon.

The tabby meowed again and proceeded to transform into her original form.

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**Author:** Yentshmyen

**Challenge:** Tom Riddle goes on a nocturnal stroll through Hogwarts, and sees Albus doing Something. He shrieks and runs Somewhere, discovering a secret place in the castle along the way.

**Timeline:** TMR's school years

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Tom Riddle praised himself for never losing his cool, no matter how bat the situation was. Which is why he showed no emotion as he watched Albus Dumbledore run into the bathroom with hands clamped over his crotch, run back out with a shriek and disappear behind a corner to find relief an hour later in a room filled with golden potties. No, he showed no emotion. Honestly, smirking evilly doesn't count.

Because even a Dark Lord needs his entertainment.

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**Author:** Yentshmyen

**Challenge:** Merlin creates four Dark spells for his own purpose. The Wizarding World finds them very useful when the Ministry of Magic is founded.

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"...and so Merlin created four Dark spells, which we now know as the Unforgivable Curses."

"But you said '_four_ spells'..."

"I did? Oops. _Obliviate!_"

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**Author:** RFD

**Timeline:** post GoF

**Challenge:** Harry Potter has Yentshmyen as a pen-pal.

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The Boy Who Had Too Much Free Time turned his laptop on and checked his e-mail. He found a number of notes from Dumbledore, a scan of Runes textbook he had asked Hermione for, advertisement of Percy's Perfect Cauldrons, and...

"Merlin, not again," he whispered.

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**And the continuation...**

**Challenge: **Harry Potter has RFD as a pen-pal.

He was still sitting in front of the computer, reading the monstrous story he'd been sent a link to - when he noticed he'd just gotten a new message.

Three hours later, Harry Potter slid to the floor, empty bottles after Firewhiskey falling along with him. The letters on the screen formed the unmistakable words.

_The Easter Bunny._

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**Author:** RFD

**Prompt****:** Aunt Muriel

**Timeline:** HBP/DH?

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"Ron, get to work!" roared the Mother Tiger.

Ronald Weasley rushed to de-Gnome the garden.

"Ginny, help with the dinner!"

The girl ran down the stairs into the kitchen.

"Fred, George, do something useful!"

The devils smiled sweetly. "We're preparing a little, cute gift for Auntie Muriel, Mum."

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**Author:** Yentshmyen

**Timeline:** DH

**Challenge:** Voldy does something he shouldn't have done, and ends up defeated by a Dark wizard.

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_"Where is it?"_

Grindelwald glanced at him curiously. This newest Dark Lord was something else.

"How about we play a game and if you win I'll tell you everything you want to know?"

Voldemort really shouldn't have agreed, but he felt generous that day.

"Very well. What kind of a game?"

Grindelwald smiled toothlessly.

"One that I haven't had a chance to play since 1945. A great test of your reflexes and mind. It's called 'rock-paper-scissors'..."

And the rest, as they say, is history.

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**Author:** Yentshmyen

**Timeline:** GoF

**Challenge:** Voldy finds out that Albus Dumbledore is his real father. They meet in a graveyard, and...

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_"Avada kedavra!"_

_"Expelliarmus!"_

And the nothing. And then, the graveyard. And then... was that pink? He stared. Maybe hell did exist, after all.

"Dumbledore. What are you doing here?" he asked coldly.

"I'm supposed to take you to the other side."

"Why you?"

"Err... You see... When no one is willing to go, they send the closest family member."

"Family?" realization dawned at him. Now he was sure. Hell existed. He supposed the last words of nearly half of his victims were pretty appropriate right about now.

_"Fuck."_


End file.
